Sick kids are the worst. THE.WORST. A cough, sneezing, or a fever are child’s play when it comes to sickness. Especially when you compare them to the dreaded stomach bug. A puking kid is hell. It is every parent’s nightmare.
Here, then, are the seven stages we, as parents, go through when our kid is gonna puke.
It starts simple enough. They say “I’m not hungry.” Then, they start to look a bit pale. And the concern starts to creep in.
You don’t want to admit it. You think “Oh no, they aren’t sick. They’ll.Be.Fine.” Just give them a little water and put them down for a nap. You do know you’re kidding yourself, right? RIGHT?
“My belly hurts.” That’s when you realize they’re sick. It.Is.Happening. Folks, we’ve got a code orange.
You know what happens here. You see the little hiccup. You hear the gurgle. Brace yourselves. WINTER IS COMING. DUCK FOR COVER.
You know the face you make when you see puke coming. It’s like a car crash. You want to look away. YOU HAVE TO LOOK AWAY. But you can’t. It’s your kid! And the smell. MY GOD THE SMELL. How can that much vomit come from such a small human?!
You think they’ve gotten it all out of their system. So, it’s time to lay them down, give them a bucket and a towel. But, you know they’re gonna want you to lay with them. PLEASE FOR THE LOVE OF GOD DON’T PUKE ON ME.
And, finally, there’s this stage. Grab a gas mask, arm yourselves with about 15 sponges and 46 bottles of disinfectant and clean that bathroom. And the floor. And probably the bed. And the walls. And your hair. OH MY GOD IT’S IN YOUR HAIR.