In this weekly mini-series, your favorite Dads drop some hot takes from the 32 NFL teams we know and love.
NFL Week One
A short, sweet and to the point breakdown of all 32 teams!
Eagles (Win 18-12 vs Falcons)
Held on by a thread vs a team that we’re not so sure about. Are they the 2016 Falcons or the 2017 Falcons? Either way we’re all waiting eagerly for Wentz’s Return.
Played a mediocre 4 quarters considering they have at least 3 future HOFers on board. Another down season, or just a bad start to a good one?
Bengals (Win 34-23 vs Colts)
Andy Dalton is feeling his age. Maybe he’s finally ready for that last desperate Super Bowl push.
Hooray! Luck is back! But is he really? A scary hit almost ended everything, but I’m pretty sure it’s going to be a down season anyway.
Bills (Lost 47-3 vs Ravens)
Started Nathan Peterman so….you know.
Joe Flacco wants one more ring before he ages out. He may be younger than Brady, but he’s no Brady. Plus he’s got young talent behind him ready to go. He’s gonna ball out as much as possible.
Buccaneers (Win 48-40 vs Saints)
Holy shit! Fitzmagic is real! Scored all the touchdowns! Made all the completions! Too bad it only happens once per season.
They are still “ol’ reliable” and yet another team with a QB eager to prove his worth despite his age. They had a great game as usual. BUT Fitzmagic though!!!
Texans (Loss 27-20 vs Patriots)
Another “ol’ reliable” but as usual, they can’t get the edge on teams with more talent.
Just another day at the office for Brady and crew.
49ers (Loss 24-16 vs Vikings)
Not a great start for a team that’s mega-pumped for their new QB. But alas…still some work to do.
I’m starting to think Cousins is legit, despite the fact that I hate his face. So far he’s worth the money they’re paying him and they are underpaying Diggs.
Titans (Loss 27-20 vs Dolphins)
They might have been able to pull of a win here, but they were plagued with injuries at key positions. Hopefully none of the injuries are too serious and we’ll be able to finally see Mariota ball out.
The return of Tannehill was a good one. Well…good enough to get a win anyway. Only time will tell.
Jaguars (Win 20-15 vs Giants)
The defense is real, super real. Neither the D line, nor Blake Bortles has lost a step. The only problem is that Bortles needs to take an additional step forward.
Are they still awful, or is it just that they looked awful against the “presumed” #1 Defense in the league?
Steelers (Tied 21-21 vs Browns)
Tied the Browns, and that’s all you need to know.
TIED THE STEELERS! THE LOSING STREAK IS OVER!
Chiefs (Win 38-28 vs Chargers)
If there’s one thing Andy Reid knows how to do, it’s find a great QB. Patrick Mahommes is proving this fact.
They have a lot of work to do in the secondary if Phillip Rivers is going to finally get a shot at the Super Bowl as he enters his twilight.
Cowboys (Loss 16-8 vs Panthers)
Now with only two “top level” athletes to speak of, it may be another down season while they continue to build a team around them.
Cam Newton can still move, and he can’t be stopped. The Cowboys D did better than its O, however, holding them to just 16 points.
Redskins (Win 24-6 vs Cardinals)
Another QB proving his worth, as Alex Smith ages like a fine wine.
What suit-wearing corpse in the front office of Arizona thought it would be a good idea to have Sam Bradford as their starting QB?
Seahawks (Loss 27-24 vs Broncos)
Their in a rebuilding year. That’s all I’m gonna say. Aside from that Russel Wilson is STILL carrying them on his back.
Edge out a win over the fore-mentioned load on Russel’s Shoulders.
Bears (Loss 24-23 vs Packers)
What an amazing show….until the 2nd half. Mack is worth every single penny so far, and 2nd year QB Trubuski is looking like a 5th year QB. They got beat by the GOAT, but still have a great level of talent.
Holy shit! Aaron Rodgers is the GOAT! The Packers will fail without him though, so they better hope that injury is minor.
Jets (Win 48-17 vs Lions)
Darnold is legit, or the Lions are awful. Either way this blowout win is an amazing start for the youngest QB in the game, and a fan base hungry for wins.
The secondary did very little to halt Jets progress aside from a Pick 6 at the very beginning of the game. The O-Line needs to take huge step forwards into protecting Stafford.
Rams (Win 33-13 vs Raiders)
They just keep on rolling and proving themselves worthy. With a young HC, a 71 year old defensive coordinator, and some of the best talent in all the NFL, it’s going to be an interesting season.
The next era of John Gruden is still molding together. Oh yeah, and they don’t have Mack anymore soooo….yeahhhhhh.